We live in a time where dating is just full of ‘What’s your favourite colour?’ and ‘Let’s go with the flow’. But real relationships, especially the kind that last, need real talk. Not just the cute stuff, but the hard, awkward, grown-up conversations that actually shape your future.
If you’re thinking long-term love, not just vibes and soft life selfies, these five conversations can save you heartbreak, confusion, and emotional detours.
1. Pre-existing medical conditions: Your health matters too
Let’s not sugarcoat it, your body isn’t just yours when you’re in a relationship. What you live with, they’ll live with too. And no, this isn’t about being ‘perfect’, It’s about being honest, safe, and informed.
Take sickle cell anaemia, for example. If both of you carry the sickle cell trait (even if you’re not sick), there’s a real chance your child could be born with the full condition. Now imagine falling madly in love, getting married, and then learning this after a painful pregnancy journey or even worse, after a child is already suffering. Could it have been avoided? Maybe. If only someone had asked, or said.
Other conditions like HIV, PCOS, diabetes, epilepsy, or severe allergies, might not be ‘too deep’ to talk about. In fact, not talking about them early is what makes things heavy later. The earlier it comes up, the earlier you both get to choose: are we aligned, are we prepared, and do we have the emotional maturity to support each other?
2. Mental health & emotional baggage: What are you still healing from?
Let’s be honest. We’ve all been through something. But are we still bleeding, or have we started healing?
Mental health isn’t always visible. Maybe they’ve had anxiety for years. Maybe you’ve battled depression. Maybe one of you is still carrying heartbreak from a toxic ex. These things don’t disappear just because someone is ‘nice’.
Ask each other: What have you been through? How do you take care of your mental health? Are you in therapy, or do you need it?
This isn’t about fixing someone. It’s about walking into a relationship with eyes wide open, knowing what support looks like and whether you’re both willing to offer it.
3. Money habits: What does ‘financially responsible’ mean to you?
Money doesn’t buy love, but poor money habits can definitely damage it.
Are they saving? Are they in huge debt? Are they a ‘soft life at all costs’ type, or do they believe in budgeting and delayed gratification? Do they expect to share bills, or will they resent you for earning more?
These conversations don’t need to feel like job interviews. Start simple. ‘How do you usually manage your money?’ or ‘Would you rather build a home or travel the world first?’ You’ll learn more than you think.
Money is about mindset. And mindset shapes the relationship.
4. Dealbreakers & core values: What are your non-negotiables?
You can be wildly attracted to someone and still not be compatible.
Maybe you want kids and they don’t. Maybe they believe in traditional gender roles and you believe in equality. Maybe faith is non-negotiable for you, and for them it’s just something to do on holidays.
The point is, these things will show up later. So talk about them early. Not to judge, but to align. Because love can’t work when you’re constantly negotiating your values just to stay.
Ask: ‘What do you absolutely need in a partner to feel safe and fulfilled?’ If their answer scares you, believe them the first time.
5. Family backgrounds: How were you raised, and what did you learn?
We are all someone’s child, and that shapes how we give and receive love.
Someone who grew up with emotionally unavailable parents might struggle with expressing affection. Someone raised in a home full of chaos may crave peace and stability, but not know how to build it.
Ask your person: ‘What did love look like growing up?’ and ‘What parts of your childhood are you still unlearning?’ These questions go deep, yes, but they give you insight into how someone might show up in a relationship.
Because your future home will be built from the blueprints of your past homes. Make sure you understand theirs.
