Good morning, love. I hope you have a fruitful day if you have no one.
Nowadays, everyone seems to be in a relationship, and not just that but healthy, growing relationships.
These people are thriving! However, some of us are still trying; either you are freshly single (tell me about the breakup and what caused it), have been single for a while, or are in a situation ship, I got gems for you.
The truth will set you free.
Reflect on your past relationships; what happened? Was she the love of your life? Sometimes we are honest with every other person apart from ourselves. Look inward and be radically honest.
By understanding what happened, we can feel our genuine emotions. Say they cheated; how did that make you feel? Where does it hurt, and what emotion do you feel?
Many of us seem to downplay how devastating breakups can be, and this puts us in a loop of unfelt emotions that may one day explode. When you lie about what happened, you gaslight yourself.
Honesty requires us to be honest with ourselves too. If you messed up, admit you messed up and forgive yourself. This requires a bit of self-awareness, where and how it hurt, and why you were mean.
Seeing things for what they are protecting you from gas lighting or any other form of manipulation. The situation results in not getting back with your ex or repeating the same cycle.
Being single isn’t as fun as you want to make it seem. I know not having to ‘report’ your schedule or have to offer emotional support is a relief, but how did yesterday make you feel?
Spending your day alone or third wheeling
Get you a therapist. Talking to a professional about what you are going through helps you see things from a different yet healthy perspective and get a best friend too.
They will walk you through what has been happening in your relationships, how it’s not your fault but past programming, how to undo the damage, and finally, set you on a path to a better, healthier relationship.
Your therapist will help you validate your feeling and emotions while holding you accountable.
Call your friends back.
Did you abandon your friends? People tend to isolate themselves and spend time with their friends in a new relationship.
Hoping your friends still hold space and love for you, catch up with them. Apologize for ghosting them and try to catch up. If you have a friend you can trust, let them know what’s happening and how they may be of help. Did you neglect any of your hobbies? Time to get back at it; carry a friend or two.
Would you date yourself?
Plan fun activities for yourself. Solo dates are one of the things that have been normalized. Plan one for yourself. Get yourself roses and chocolate.
Know yourself first; your likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses. Take time to look in the mirror.
While in this phase, honour your love languages, and know how to love yourself. That way, next time, you won’t settle for less.
Leave your house
When it feels right for you, put yourself out there. I mean, your next soul mate won’t come knocking! That’s what my friend said, you see I think my soul mate should be delivered to me like a package, with a big ribbon and a note from the universe “this is your soul mate”.
Since you attract who you are, go to places you’d find your soul mate. This is where your hobbies come in. They say love finds you when you are not looking. I think they meant you will love when doing the things you love.
